Confidence is faith in oneself; however it doesn’t come without competence.
Competence is able to do something efficiently!
This feeling provides children the confidence to feel that “I can do it”.
If children don’t have faith in their competence, they feel insecure to deal with the outer world. Competence will give them the strength to face challenges even in the absence of parent’s protection.
As parents, we always do what is best for our children, tell them what to do what not to do to prevent them from dangers around, however in this process some(many)times we unconsciously send messages like “you are not capable of” “Don’t try new things” –that will undermine children self-esteem.
Here are few points you need to remember in day to day conversations with children.
Don’t safeguard them always:
Our decisions lead to actions and actions lead to results. When children know the consequences of their decisions they will be cautious while taking decisions that make them to be responsible.
Many parents don’t allow their children to take even small risks, their over cautious parenting makes children unaware of failure.
If you always guard them and not allow them to make mistakes, they wouldn’t learn how to deal with failure and proceed further. Your patience is the key here, wait until they ask for your help. Let them try on their own, fail and learn from their mistakes.
Don’t set the bar for competence so high:
Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree,
It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid – Albert Einstein
Unrealistic expectations from parents undermine children’s sense of competence. They develop fear of failure to try new things. They will feel whatever capabilities they have are worthless and never live up to parents’ expectations. If they focus on their strengths first they get confidence, later they can try in areas in which they are not so good at.
Don’t praise children (Praise their efforts):
Be generous with appreciative remarks “on their Efforts” (how hard they are working or how happy you are to see their efforts) instead of generic comments such as “good boy/girl!” or “good job!” “Superb” that are not specific to the situation.
Don’t judge them:
If parents focus on the results (only) every time, children will feel anxious and rejected.
They think that they are not important and that their parents are focusing only on their marks\awards\rewards. Let them know that whether they win or lose you are there for them with unconditional love then they learn from mistakes to develop their competence.